In Retrospective.

"I feel more alive on tour, in the studio, or at shows than anywhere else. If I could do it forever I would."

- Mike, Pianos Become The Teeth Interview-

Recently I've been forced to confront the discomforts of my future life. There are so many factors that complicate this issue: struggles with who I'd like to become and what I'd like to try and do for this world, as well as constantly questioning my own self-worth and what exactly i can do. Meanwhile, I think of my friends, family, and brothers scattered around this wonderful state I call home and the rest of the midwest. How do I balance ambition with who I am (and the people that form) at my foundation? It's a tricky subject that I haven't quite figured out yet.

Lately I've been struck with sooo much homesickness I can't go a day without thinking about it. This looming presence of the future has me always reflecting on my past, and the people and events that shaped me and share in the present with me. And it's funny because I feel homesick about things that i'm doing in the moment. My one consolation (consolation prize anybody?) is a phrase from "Mere Christianity" Lewis states, "you have to let something die, let it go, in order to really appreciate it for what is." I think of this, and just try to appreciate the moments for what they are: living in the moment or whatever. And as what really matters sinks in more and more, I've been trying to be proactive as possible to acknowledge and embrace these things to the best of my ability. Gary says, "live life to the fullest". A pretty basic phrase that means quite a bit when coming from someone who I know will always have my best interest at heart. I'll see what I can do. Looking at the quote from Gary, and from Mike, I think of what makes me feel alive: school, simple hang times, definitely music, but more so what music means: friends.

And there are many many things I'm mega pumped about in the near future. I'll be playing and seeing some really rad shows, and more importantly hanging with some awesome dudes. Maybe Nate will get food poisoning again and Gary and I will laugh. I finally saw Mandy the other day. Elliot is ridiculously cute, and it was good to catch up. I'm going to a wedding this weekend with Danielle that should also be pretty fun: there will prolly be delicious foods and drinks. I've been hanging with Jaye and Ray more. There company has been taken for granted most of this year. The weather is getting nice, and the city and campus are alive again, a refreshing atmosphere to finish out my college career.

The Wonder Years - The Upsides

Spring Break O'10.

Slightly tipsy from drinking at Ashley's with Nate, Tom and his gf. But in a good way. Ashely's is a great hang out. I'm officially on the world tour.

Listening to the new good teeth jam, way stoked on how it turned out. way pumped on music after the show on friday.

Playing a song I wrote in my fucking basement and having numerous kids sing along going nuts is the most surreal, unbelievable experience. it's why at 15 years old I wanted to play music. It still humbles me so much.

Really excited for this roadtrip with Samir and Blake to Minneapolis. I was a bit hesitant, seeing as how we all lead different lifestyles, but they're good dudes and it should be a good time. Plus, seeing the midwest for what it is will be worthwhile enough. I hope MN and Madison are badass. I may end up there someday.

Just bought some pretty healthy pizza. I haven't been eating as healthy as I should be, hopefully post spring break will fix that.

I miss India kids: Amanda, Drew, Chris. I miss traveling and I miss India and want to be abroad with them and hanging out with Romey. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Built a new bant deck because Ray stole my badass Jund deck. Testing it on friday.

missing danielle a bit. after hanging most days it's strange to have our relationship be over the phone. but things have gone well: and hopefully indicative of times to come.

Lastly, excited for the LSAT, and the future. life is good. I can't help but smile and be positive. That's all that really matters: staying true to myself.

Oh, and the pianos become the teeth show :)

Listening to: Pianos Become the Teeth - Saltwater

Hipster Beards

Came across this today when trying to decide what to do with my beard.

I couldn't help but think of all the accusations towards myself and friends and the varying definitions I've heard of the word hipster. Made me laugh.

If you're a hipster, you likely won't admit that you are. But if you listen to obscure music until it's popular, feign interest in contemporary art, where tight clothes and pretend you're poor despite your trust fund -- and you think I'm making fun of someone else right now -- then you should be growing a neatly trimmed, short beard. "Neatly" actually means "strategically" here. You don't want it too full because you're too vain and insecure to grow a full beard. But you also don't want it to look like you care.

Nonetheless, I still say diy or die.

In other news, going to this fancy italian place on main street for dinner today with danielle. I saw something on the menu with the words vegetarian, ravioli, and goatcheese: which means deliciousness will ensue. I'm pretty sure it will go against all the healthy eating I've done the past week (I started p90x) but its my "rest day" so it's whatever.

I'll be updating this soonish. I wrote a really long blog that needs a few more sentences, and then will be posted. peace.

Listening to: Pianos become the teeth - Old Pride

A New Year

So my new years resolution was to start writing in this again in some meager attempt to document what exactly I do with life. I've come to realize it's nothing extravagant, but for those interested maybe they'll see something in themselves here.

First thing's first, there's a lot to say. I have a big ole list of things I've been meaning to get down in text and out of my mind, but its pretty late so I'll jump straight to today and hopefully work backwards.

Today was a rough day. Not going into too much detail, I got shut down by my friends, my band, my school, and the law. Needless to say I was pretty bummed, and as the night wore on I just thought to myself of the various ways I could sit and wallow in my misfortune. But, after letting myself get down, I realized how getting down does nothing to affect the past, the present, or the future. What's done is done, and all you can do is make use of the time you have now, and make sure to grow in the future from it.

Then I was thinking, there are a lot of people who had bad days today, and I'm sure a lot worse than mine. And although that sucks, at least I know I'm not going through this alone. That this struggle and suffering of everyday life is something everybody is going through, and with that comes something positive: a sense of community or collectivness or whatever. Sure I could let myself be all pissed, but by keeping my head up with a smile and looking at the tiny tiny good things that happened today (I got some free coffee and the best parking space ever), I'll be taking this community (at the very least myself) in the right step for something better, something hopeful.

Tomorrow I have some friends to clear things up with, and wayyy too much homework to finish already. I start teaching my class on Wed, something i'm really pumped on. Hopefully kids don't think I'm a total turd, and maybe possibly I'll teach something worth while to them.

Listening to: La Dispute, Here Hear III.

Poor People

So many many things have happened in the last week.
Made some good friends (with some connections in high places) and have had quite a bit of adventures (fancy hotels, bars, illegal street racing to name a few) . We're about to leave HOPE project to go up to Agra for the weekend and then up north for another week.
I've come to really like this area. People say it's a bad area, but the people have grown on us (and vice versa.) I go on a couple walks a day and earned a bunch of street cred. Yesterday some guy asked uswho we we were to some other guy (this is all in Hindi) and he answered with, they're one of us, one of our own. It made me feel pretty great.
This week I've gone to some the poorest areas of Delhi. These people are migrants, and don't have water, bathrooms, drainage or any type of housing besides tarps. But they're all really excited to meet me once I go out of my way to show I'm not just some tourist. They're some of the poorest people in the world, yet they always go out of their way to offer me a seat (even if its a rock) and to find something to offer to me. Their hospitality is one of the most humbling experiences I think I'll ever encounter. Its offered me quite a bit of perspective and a whole new outlook on people, poverty, america, and more importantly my way of life.
I know everybody has their own specific problems but never again will I claim to be poor. I'll never again complain about the overwhleming amount of blessings I (and most of our country) have. I think it's something that almost all of us (and by that I mean maybe the two people who look at this) should stop and consider next time we're down about our situation or circumstances.
on a brighter note, I have tons of pictures and stories. I'm going to try and give a more detailed account of what's been going on (with pictures) sooner rather than later and hopefully before we take off up north.
Lastly, it was 107 today I thought it was cool out. I can't wait to be cold in a michigan summer.

India.

So I figured I should finally make some time to sit down and update the past ten days of my life in India.

First and foremost, the weather has been surprisingly bearable.  The past week it has been around 110-220 degrees.  Although its really hot, once you accept that you are going to be extremely sweaty doing ANYTHING, it becomes ok.  There was a big dust storm last night, so it should be about 100 for the next few days, which feels amazing.  People wear bright colors and long clothes to fight the heat, and constantly laugh at us for coming at the absolute hottest time of the year.  I shower about 4 times a day (normally I don't even shower 4 times a week) and drink a ton.  

Unfortunately, India doesn't have clean drinking water.  Everything we drink ( and eat) is either packaged or from a very very reliable (and often expensive) source.  I haven't gotten sick yet (out of my group of 16 at least 10 people have been totally sick), but it's common to have a constant small stomach ache, especially after eating, but you get used to it.  The food is delicious though.  Almost everything we eat is vegetarian and I love it.  Everybody drinks tea, and if you stop for about 10 minutes to talk to someone, the always serve you a cup of tea. 

I've come to realize how much I took living in a developed country for granted.  Our water constantly isn't working and we sometimes lose power during peak hours of the day (or during the dust storm).  Sit down toilets are always a welcomed surpris and toilet paper is a luxury.  Air conditioning is veryy hard to come by.  The fact that I assumed internet would be readily available still really makes me laugh.  People here are forced to drink contaminated water to live; while back home our showers, dishes, and toilets are filled with cold, delicious water.  Even here we are extremely lucky and viewed as upper class (which I hate).  There are sooo many people who just live and sleep in the streets, streets littered with garbage and sewage.  And these are good, friendly people (most of the time).  In my opinion I feel our society automatically assumes homeless people did something wrong and deserve to be homeless.  But here there just isn't enough space or housing and/or class and caste prevent social mobility.  

The biggest lesson I've learned is to learn as many languages as possible.  I've been trying extremely hard to learn as much hindi as possible but there have been so many times when I just hang my head and apologize in hindi for not understanding.  Members in my group complain when people don't know english (especially the lower lower class like rickshaw drivers), which pisses me off because we're in their country and expect them to speak our language. One girl in our group speaks Hindi and sometimes tells us what people say about us.  Things like, 'here are the americans taking pictures of broken iron houses' or when the laugh at the girls for being afraid of beggars.  I try really hard to break these stereotypes.  A few of us have been going for walks in the morning (we're always awake by 6) and just walking around the village saying hi to people.  I do my best to make small conversation (or at least smile and wave) with everybody, which goes a long way.  Sometimes they laugh at my broken hindi, but I can tell they appreciate the effort.  Mostly the rude beggars are little kids or deformed adults, and then you have to be cold and just ignore them (for your own safety). 

I know I was raised to be polite to everybody, but I don't understand why members in our group would come to a country and expect to be catered to.  They complain about the heat, the water, not being able to wear shorts or tank tops, people staring, how crowded the streets are, the smell, pretty much anything and everything.  I get so frustrated when they look down on people and treat them like shit.  One time we were in a rickshaw and our driver tried really hard to make conversation (he asked us if we were americans) and two of the girls just laughed at his broken english and turned away (he did smell).  It was so fucking rude.  I proceeded to lean forward and talk to him the rest of the drive about his family, India, and the elections.  I'm constantly trying to assimilate to the culture (eating all the food, not hiding in our room, haggling for everything) compared to staying on that surface level of a tourist.

But overall I'm still really excited to be here.  The first week we stayed in a fancy (fancy for India) hotel and did a ton of site seeing.  I've become very good at haggling and grown use to being a minority.  We saw a ton of temples and monuments (I've learned a lot about religion), where ghandi was assassinated, gardens, the US embassy and even a few bars/nightclubs.  Last Friday we relocated over to the HOPE project, which is in a slum like area, especially compared to the area of our last hotel.  But there is definitely a sense of community here.  Most people are muslim here (compared to Hindu like the rest of the city) and are friendly with each other and us.  This week I've been working in the nursery with 1-3 year olds.  I'm normally pretty good with kids but it has been surprisingly hard.  They talk to us like we know hindi, and half the time when we yell at them its in english so they don't even know what we're saying.  There are so many kids in a such a small room, but they all listen really well, and help each other when told to.  Its also hard because half the time I want to let the kids climb on me, or give them hugs, but apparently in this culture that's not allowed.  They constantly ask for water (paanee in Hindi) and I have to tell them no, which is hard because I drink like 10 water bottles a day.  Next week I'm going around with the mobile health unit to different neighborhoods, which should be a complete opposite, but worthwhile experience.  

I've been a bit homesick lately.  I miss hanging out with my family and friends, and its hard to think that it will be quite a while before I see them.  Right now I miss Taco Bell, Dr. Pepper, and slushees the most.  I miss playing music and eating pizza.

I planned on writing more in this, but currently I'm in a coffee shop with broken AC and sweating terribly.  I'll do my best to update this again soon.

Lastly, if you care enough to read this, take a moment to talk to somebody on the bus or in a restaurant next time you get a chance.  Enjoy the fact that you can communicate with them, and just ask them how their day is going.  let me know how it goes.

If you happen to care (or be somewhat bored)

So after all the awesome stuff that happened this weekend, I decided I would start writing in this thing more often.

Also, since I'm going to be in India in about a month, I figured I should probably get in the habit of writing about my day/thoughts to keep track of everything.

So yeah, this weekend ruled.

Last week I spoke at the Board of Regents for Stop the Hike and subsequently ended up missing class.  This was fine because I tend to not even pay attention in this class (he lectures on and on about nothing while I talk to Drew on AIM), but unfortunately this one day he happened to assign this HUGE paper (the paper was economic development/definitions of underdeveloped countries/UN Millennium goals/etc.), and only gave us a week to do it.  So I get to class on Tuesday and found out I had 2 days to get it done.  Because of work, long story short, I end up at 24 hour Starbucks with Nate and Jessica pulling an all nighter.

I drank lottts of coffee.

Got really pissed at a friend for talking shit.

Then I got really mad at Jess because she was being rude as hell and I was in a bad mood.

Around 7 in the morning the sun was rising and it was pretty awesome.  It's really weird watching the beginning of the day and seeing everybody go off to work and start their day.  I feel like a lot could be said about our society based on that hour span of time where people wake up/go to work.  

I was close to being real bummed about everything (I was afraid we'd have to cancel our show) until the manger lady (who had been real annoying up until then) came and gave us free breakfast sandwiches.  It made my morning and allowed me to take the moment for what it was.  Tired, cold, worn out from college, stuck in michigan weather, but finding comfort in a sunrise, act of kindness, good food, and good company.

Later that afternoon I finally finished my paper and we (me, tim, rach, leah, and jesse) got on the road.  I finally fell asleep for a bit.  We ate subway at a gas station and it was nice to finally enjoy everybody's company.  I never really see them except for tbt stuff, which sucks because they're some of the best people in my life.  

We listened to bear vs shark.

Tim refused to pay any tolls.

Made lots of 'that's what she said' jokes.

Got totally lost (everybody blamed me) and scrambled to find the venue after already being late.

The show went really well and everybody really liked us.  We got an encore (which was pretty comical) and for some CRAZY reason decided to play oxidation of joan of arc.  We hadn't played that song in over a year, and somehow managed to play it all the way through (I made up a fair amount of lyrics).  James took pictures that turned out really well and included one with me looking like Trav (with the bass over my head).  I had a really good conversation with their youth pastor about the role of tradition in religion, as well as motivation for people/churches.  We received good feedback, and it's really rewarding when kids say that they admire us doing our own thing and playing music for our own reasons  and being upfront/proud about it. 

 It's really weird how people keep so many things bottled up.  People can be so afraid/embarrassed by certain things, things that many people may share/experience.  It only takes one person to express that its ok to be open on these issues.  It can be hard being that person, but giving hope to other people is one of the most rewarding experiences ever.

Afterward we went back to Scott's dorm and watched Donnie Darko.  I was reallly tired and gross, but after not sleeping for so long (and eating dinner) I was ready to crash.  I stayed up with Tim talking for a bit, and it was really great catching up.  A lot of the time we're on different pages, but we still always connect and have good conversations.  He's a solid dude, one of my brothers, and definitely makes me strive to be a better person.