In Retrospective.

"I feel more alive on tour, in the studio, or at shows than anywhere else. If I could do it forever I would."

- Mike, Pianos Become The Teeth Interview-

Recently I've been forced to confront the discomforts of my future life. There are so many factors that complicate this issue: struggles with who I'd like to become and what I'd like to try and do for this world, as well as constantly questioning my own self-worth and what exactly i can do. Meanwhile, I think of my friends, family, and brothers scattered around this wonderful state I call home and the rest of the midwest. How do I balance ambition with who I am (and the people that form) at my foundation? It's a tricky subject that I haven't quite figured out yet.

Lately I've been struck with sooo much homesickness I can't go a day without thinking about it. This looming presence of the future has me always reflecting on my past, and the people and events that shaped me and share in the present with me. And it's funny because I feel homesick about things that i'm doing in the moment. My one consolation (consolation prize anybody?) is a phrase from "Mere Christianity" Lewis states, "you have to let something die, let it go, in order to really appreciate it for what is." I think of this, and just try to appreciate the moments for what they are: living in the moment or whatever. And as what really matters sinks in more and more, I've been trying to be proactive as possible to acknowledge and embrace these things to the best of my ability. Gary says, "live life to the fullest". A pretty basic phrase that means quite a bit when coming from someone who I know will always have my best interest at heart. I'll see what I can do. Looking at the quote from Gary, and from Mike, I think of what makes me feel alive: school, simple hang times, definitely music, but more so what music means: friends.

And there are many many things I'm mega pumped about in the near future. I'll be playing and seeing some really rad shows, and more importantly hanging with some awesome dudes. Maybe Nate will get food poisoning again and Gary and I will laugh. I finally saw Mandy the other day. Elliot is ridiculously cute, and it was good to catch up. I'm going to a wedding this weekend with Danielle that should also be pretty fun: there will prolly be delicious foods and drinks. I've been hanging with Jaye and Ray more. There company has been taken for granted most of this year. The weather is getting nice, and the city and campus are alive again, a refreshing atmosphere to finish out my college career.

The Wonder Years - The Upsides

Spring Break O'10.

Slightly tipsy from drinking at Ashley's with Nate, Tom and his gf. But in a good way. Ashely's is a great hang out. I'm officially on the world tour.

Listening to the new good teeth jam, way stoked on how it turned out. way pumped on music after the show on friday.

Playing a song I wrote in my fucking basement and having numerous kids sing along going nuts is the most surreal, unbelievable experience. it's why at 15 years old I wanted to play music. It still humbles me so much.

Really excited for this roadtrip with Samir and Blake to Minneapolis. I was a bit hesitant, seeing as how we all lead different lifestyles, but they're good dudes and it should be a good time. Plus, seeing the midwest for what it is will be worthwhile enough. I hope MN and Madison are badass. I may end up there someday.

Just bought some pretty healthy pizza. I haven't been eating as healthy as I should be, hopefully post spring break will fix that.

I miss India kids: Amanda, Drew, Chris. I miss traveling and I miss India and want to be abroad with them and hanging out with Romey. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Built a new bant deck because Ray stole my badass Jund deck. Testing it on friday.

missing danielle a bit. after hanging most days it's strange to have our relationship be over the phone. but things have gone well: and hopefully indicative of times to come.

Lastly, excited for the LSAT, and the future. life is good. I can't help but smile and be positive. That's all that really matters: staying true to myself.

Oh, and the pianos become the teeth show :)

Listening to: Pianos Become the Teeth - Saltwater

Hipster Beards

Came across this today when trying to decide what to do with my beard.

I couldn't help but think of all the accusations towards myself and friends and the varying definitions I've heard of the word hipster. Made me laugh.

If you're a hipster, you likely won't admit that you are. But if you listen to obscure music until it's popular, feign interest in contemporary art, where tight clothes and pretend you're poor despite your trust fund -- and you think I'm making fun of someone else right now -- then you should be growing a neatly trimmed, short beard. "Neatly" actually means "strategically" here. You don't want it too full because you're too vain and insecure to grow a full beard. But you also don't want it to look like you care.

Nonetheless, I still say diy or die.

In other news, going to this fancy italian place on main street for dinner today with danielle. I saw something on the menu with the words vegetarian, ravioli, and goatcheese: which means deliciousness will ensue. I'm pretty sure it will go against all the healthy eating I've done the past week (I started p90x) but its my "rest day" so it's whatever.

I'll be updating this soonish. I wrote a really long blog that needs a few more sentences, and then will be posted. peace.

Listening to: Pianos become the teeth - Old Pride

A New Year

So my new years resolution was to start writing in this again in some meager attempt to document what exactly I do with life. I've come to realize it's nothing extravagant, but for those interested maybe they'll see something in themselves here.

First thing's first, there's a lot to say. I have a big ole list of things I've been meaning to get down in text and out of my mind, but its pretty late so I'll jump straight to today and hopefully work backwards.

Today was a rough day. Not going into too much detail, I got shut down by my friends, my band, my school, and the law. Needless to say I was pretty bummed, and as the night wore on I just thought to myself of the various ways I could sit and wallow in my misfortune. But, after letting myself get down, I realized how getting down does nothing to affect the past, the present, or the future. What's done is done, and all you can do is make use of the time you have now, and make sure to grow in the future from it.

Then I was thinking, there are a lot of people who had bad days today, and I'm sure a lot worse than mine. And although that sucks, at least I know I'm not going through this alone. That this struggle and suffering of everyday life is something everybody is going through, and with that comes something positive: a sense of community or collectivness or whatever. Sure I could let myself be all pissed, but by keeping my head up with a smile and looking at the tiny tiny good things that happened today (I got some free coffee and the best parking space ever), I'll be taking this community (at the very least myself) in the right step for something better, something hopeful.

Tomorrow I have some friends to clear things up with, and wayyy too much homework to finish already. I start teaching my class on Wed, something i'm really pumped on. Hopefully kids don't think I'm a total turd, and maybe possibly I'll teach something worth while to them.

Listening to: La Dispute, Here Hear III.